Saturday, December 12, 2009

good morning beautiful day

So many faces congradulated me today, i dont even think i had the chance to really let everyone know how much i appriciated everything they have done for me. But i know i will have many chances in the rest of my life to SHOW how much i really appriciate them all.

I couldnt have asked for a more beautiful day, the rain washing away the stains of the city like the baptsimal waters washing away my sins and worries. There were enough water today between rain, others tears of joy and the baptismal water that i saw no problem with my not being able to cry. I could only smile and beam greatfully.

Today i saw what a true family was, sometimes they arnt blood, sometimes they are friends, and a congrigation of people joined together wanting the same things for one another. Today my family grew by thousands.

Thinking back now i do feel like crying, so many miracles happend today, my family started asking questions and arnt opposed to going to church with me. Nanny wants to know if she can go to the temple, i am determined to show her how to get there. Garretts grandpa came and i feel all the more welcomed into the chuch and his family, please pray for grandma warren as she is not feeling the best right now, i want to take a trip and visit them sometime.

The weight of today just hit me, and now i can feel the hot tears building behind my eyes. The weight is not unwelcome, but a comfort a warmth, the warmth i can feel the spirit now, it feel like a great big bear hug from a long lost family member you just remembered how much you loved. Before the church found me i didnt know tears could be of joy, but now i see that all those tears of joy before were just leading to my being able to understand true joy right in this very moment.

Today im was washed away of my sins, and clothed into a new life, a greater life, a life i look forward to.

The chuch of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints is the true chuch, and God reallt does love every single one of his children. Please none of you ever forget that. I never will again.

Friday, December 11, 2009

the final tears of longing

15 hours to go, 15 hours until my life changes for the better, 15 hours until i am not just a child of the world, but a child of God. In 15 hours i will be baptized and reborn stronger than i am at this very moment.

If i had the chance to meet myself at 16, she wouldnt belive this is where her life is going, she would slam down her foot and scream obsenities to the stary sky. she might even cry, but not the way im crying now. Tears of sheer frustration at the God i didnt think cared enough about a sinner. Maybe i could comfort my younger self, tell her that God knew all things, and all the pain was in his plan. Maybe i'd just smile kiss her forehead and tell her she will see.

Now i can see the blessings, they come in many shapes and sizes, faces and places, pains and smiles. Today i count my blessings,  family, friends, love, mentors, missionaries, a roof over my head, a job that i enjoy, a school to teach me to be greater, and a gospel to show me the truth.

I never knew that tears could be tears of joy until i started learning from the sister missionaries, until i had a helping hand from my boyfriends family, until i made a true friend. Now i know how wonderful it can be to be tearstreaked.

Or how wonderful it could be to humble yourself before God. But now i come to him, neither ashamed or afraid. He knows all and forgives all who are willing to accept him and keep his covanents.

Tomarrow i take the ultimate leap of faith, and enter the waters one person, exiting another. A stonger, wiser, more complete person. Tomarrow i alow God to love me, and alow myelf to love him back.

15 hours to go.

Special thanks to: Sister Williamson, Sister Garica, The Warren Family, My family, Jessica, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and Hevenly Father.

I love you all.