Friday, December 11, 2009

the final tears of longing

15 hours to go, 15 hours until my life changes for the better, 15 hours until i am not just a child of the world, but a child of God. In 15 hours i will be baptized and reborn stronger than i am at this very moment.

If i had the chance to meet myself at 16, she wouldnt belive this is where her life is going, she would slam down her foot and scream obsenities to the stary sky. she might even cry, but not the way im crying now. Tears of sheer frustration at the God i didnt think cared enough about a sinner. Maybe i could comfort my younger self, tell her that God knew all things, and all the pain was in his plan. Maybe i'd just smile kiss her forehead and tell her she will see.

Now i can see the blessings, they come in many shapes and sizes, faces and places, pains and smiles. Today i count my blessings,  family, friends, love, mentors, missionaries, a roof over my head, a job that i enjoy, a school to teach me to be greater, and a gospel to show me the truth.

I never knew that tears could be tears of joy until i started learning from the sister missionaries, until i had a helping hand from my boyfriends family, until i made a true friend. Now i know how wonderful it can be to be tearstreaked.

Or how wonderful it could be to humble yourself before God. But now i come to him, neither ashamed or afraid. He knows all and forgives all who are willing to accept him and keep his covanents.

Tomarrow i take the ultimate leap of faith, and enter the waters one person, exiting another. A stonger, wiser, more complete person. Tomarrow i alow God to love me, and alow myelf to love him back.

15 hours to go.

Special thanks to: Sister Williamson, Sister Garica, The Warren Family, My family, Jessica, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and Hevenly Father.

I love you all.

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